If you’ve ever found yourself navigating the complexities of relationships, you may have noticed how easy it is to fall into repetitive patterns, misunderstandings, or moments where you don't feel like romantic partners anymore. That’s exactly where Terrence Real’s book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, steps in. With a warm, accessible approach, Real offers some thought-provoking insights into how we can build stronger, more connected partnerships.
Us highlights something everyone likely experienced: the subtle ways our culture, often focused on individualism, seeps into the relationships. Real, a seasoned therapist, offers a way out of this. Instead of treating relationships like a tug-of-war between “you” and “me,” he suggests people shift towards “us”, a more collaborative, compassionate space where both partners can thrive. It’s not about fixing each other or expecting perfection; it’s about creating a balance where both people feel heard and understood.
The beauty of this book is that it doesn’t promise that everything will magically get better overnight. Instead, it offers practical tools to help couples rethink how they communicate, handle conflict, and, most importantly, reconnect when things feel distant. Real doesn’t shy away from the messy side of relationships but instead provides some much-needed clarity on how we can approach them with more grace, patience, and collaboration.
What I found particularly refreshing was how Real makes these complex topics approachable. Through humour, relatable examples, and a deep understanding of human nature, he invites everyone to consider what it means to truly show up for someone, not just as a partner, but as a human being with their own needs, fears, and dreams. And while it may not solve all of life’s relationship challenges, it certainly provides a thoughtful framework for working through them.
So, if you’re looking for a gentle guide to reframe how you approach your relationships, Us might be worth a read. It’s not about sweeping promises or quick fixes, but about offering tools for long-term, sustainable connection. And sometimes, that’s exactly what we need.